kpak kpak bing bing..

argh!!!!

save me..

swear to god man im feeling the jitters..

loving aiez always,,

nurul=)

didnt stat the new year with a good one..

had a fight with baby..so..so..so..bad..

hands were flying..dumd werds were heard..shit his mouth n mine..

foul mouth we have..

chey chey chey..

dun know we will stop quarelling..

since weve been together for almost 4 years now..

arguments are all we had..

maybe tats how we show love?

i dun know..

his frnds hate me..they sae he is stupid..follow onie wat i sae..

i mean wateverlah..so?im not langgaring their wire wat..

y u guys worie..

he still spend time with u wat..its just tat abit lesser as he has me n baby gerl..

gosh..understnd his fatherhood guys..

counting down to big dae..jittery here n there..

mcm2 buteerflies ade..

tak terkate man..

besfrnds cant wait oso..im the one getting married but dorang yng tak sbr benar..

they plan to wear tis n that..

hahaha..

kelaka i tell u wen i hear them tok…

as though im not there..especially wannanie..n dyah..mentel to the max..

haiz..

n oso..its been a almost a year since i gave birth..but too bad..

tongues cant stop wagging..very irritating..people have nothing else betta to do..

dear all do move on..my family does not bother about u guys..y shud u?n yes i am making my wedding a “grand” one..so?my parents n me dun ask for ure money..y must u tok around..i hate tis people..no branies..mum is still slightly bothered by their toks..but..wat to do..dun care lah..

me n babylove just wanna have a great year ahead..living togtehr as husbnd n wife..raising our kids..like normal people do..mum has warned me not to conceived for another 2 years time as she still wants to continues werking at arb street..hahahaha..not yet ready to become full time nannie i gues..hahaha..okie me n babylove will try..

n yesh my abby gerl has grown so much bigger ten ever..now tok non stopp..(in her own language)..walking here n there..with the help of things..panjating here n there..kak tioah callss her cicakgerl..imagine..barely 1 year n she can climb from the fllor to the sofa..from sofa to hole the window grill..i have the video..will upload wen im free…

n yesh i shall not tok further about tis..but ..sumone has been nice to me..but wen tat person doesnt kols or msg..i feel down..y?i shudnt be bothering ..

but i dun know y i feel like tat..?liking for tat sumone?impossible..wen im so in love with babylove..haiz..2 more mths onie..jgn mcm2 ey nurul fatin..

god show me the right wae..i pray hard..everything will go as planned n smoothly..insyallah..

amin…

k lah..sleepy n itred now..

just got to sit now..been walking n bz with werk from just now..2 of us on nyt shift onie..sianz..to the max..

toodles~=)

in love wit aiez+)

dunnoe for watever reason..

haiz..

y must life be like this..

quarell with fiancee has been my evrifae routine..

so headache..

y ?

y?

y?

cant stnd his nonsense..

he can do wat he wants..

whn i do wat he has done..

he got all so nonsense n werked up..

fucked dah deh..

like yesterdae..

i forgot to kol him after werk saying im meeting my frnds..

he got so angry..

hurling vulgarities at me..

its already good anuf he nvr swing his bloody hands across y face..

he saes im with sum kind of guy..

yesh my frnds includes guys?

so?

u go out lepak at dam till 5 am i pok pek u dun like..

i only met my frnd for a mere 2 hours..

u tink super nonsense..

u know wat..

ure more crappy ten i am..

i just realise that..

bah~

fuck the untrustness betwenn us..

2 more mths…

wat to do..

carry on..

in

love wit him=)

u left my home around 11..u told me u meeting ure frnd under ure blok to wash ure bike..

but no..

u went to ang mo kio..

n lepak there for a fucking 5 hours..

till 5 am..

u didnt kol home..nor me..nor mak..

do u know we were fucking worried that u ahd been in an accident..

choy2 we dun wan that to happen..

but at least plese have the decency to kol n inform us of ure whereabouts..

u are damm fucking selfish..

r u even readi to be my lawfull hubbie?

god man….

i dun noe wat to sae..

i has to kol every hospitals..cause i cudnt find u..

i koled their AnE department to ask whether they have any rta victims by ure name..

fuck u..

i went through all the trouble crying the whole night..

nvr sleep a single wink though im on morning shift just because i fucking dun wna lose u..

we stayed up all night worried about u..

while u were the with “syahid” happiely..

u tink its fair?

in  a wae u fucking deserve the slap mak gave u..

wake up dude..

2 more mths..

ure gona be my lawful husband…

i dun that attitude for babygerl’s father too..

mature..

i know ure still young but for heaven’s saek..

u have a daughter already..

god man..

i feel like fucking u upside down man,…

men are selfish creatures..

daddie’s sick..wudnt want him to lieave me..i have not gotten enuf of his love..

well basically todae..

me n babylove went for  our marriage course..was nice..some tips for us..the ustaz was incrediblely very funnie..the lesson started at around 9..thus,me n baby had to leave my home at around 7+..so super early..

yesterdae babylove slept over..cause so that we wont be late for our course…he is very lembab oso one sumtimes..hahaha..so to avoid any lambatness..i forced him to sleep over..he took care of pwincess tat nyt..so cute u know..he didnt slept well as nottie pwincess didnt sleep tat well as she had played to much the dae..hahaha..his eyes were puffy when he woke up..

well dearie,i had sleeplees nights for the past 12 months..dun worrie ull get use to it..hehehe..

well, missing him ryt now..im having my first night sleep..3 myts..2 sleep daes..have to meet up with ahmad cause wedding cards are ready..wedding poster are ready too..

this ahmad guy i tell u..

super talented well recommended ait..he can make anything from name cards,brochures n etcs..

his webbie is http://grafikhaus.multiply.com

still got to buy certain things for bedroom n wedding..

looking forward to my date with baby soon ..but i dunt know when it is..

baby dear,

i love u so much,,i reali hope one day ure love for me is so great such that even when miss universe passes by,u wudnt even turn to take a glance..

asking for to much?hehehe..well thats how i love my fiancee..

love u sexylove,

in love wit aiez=)

thats all in ure head..

never have u made me feel better..if ade pon its onie for a few daes or hours or even mins..after that u will stat again from a all the wae to z..u always sae i dunt know u..yesh i dunt i know..

but do u make me know u>?do you???i ask u that..u know nothing too..we have a relationship but its never what u wnat to be..n what i want it to be..

i know u love me..i do too..but argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

u think i fucking enjoy doing this ting to u..u tinki fucking enjoy my sinfulness?u think i fucking enjoy hearing u everydae nagging at me like im such a loser.wen on the other hand u dunt doa nything about the other person…?!!!!

when i sae ure unfair u sae i im not gratefull n etc..but do u even realise how much hurt u have caused?since the dae she was born..till now..u always sae i like to compare n my hati busok..u may not realise it..but i do…u tink people dunt??!!!

yesh i know it was hard to get her..so wat man?so wat?

wat privilages has she got?yesh shes smarter ten me..skinnier ten me prettier ten me..so wat man?

so bloody wat?????have u noticed wen i do sumting for u?have u noticed that i try fucking hard to study n make u proud..

have u even notice that wen in primary 4 i got 2nd in class n all u said was”class kau tu bukanye pandai nah”:

have u?

wen she gets 224 for her psle..ure all praise for her..wen her teacher praises her..u are all praises for her..

but me?have u been proud that i passed me psle?my o levels?my ite in nursing..n ryt now im werking?

no!! because to u..im made a bloody sin before i got married..

yesh u disciplind me..u restrcit me..form tis n that..

i wasnt exposed to frinds..

u tink i got frnds?all my frnds dun wanna get close cause i cant go out..i cant tok on the phone..i cant that n this.,..

wen i want to go out u stop me..even though im already at the door dressed..wen i go out u keep calling tis n that..i hate going out wit frnds because u wudnt stop tormenting me..

i hate having hp cause u wud always hold it..

like wenever my bill is over 100 dolars..u ask him to keep my hp..for 4 mths..

n wen her bill was almost 4 hundred wat did u do?

take it for oen dae n ten gve it bek to her the next dae..?y?because shes special?

wen i clean the home or do sumting that to me is ryt…evrytime u get home..there sure bound sumting u wanna complain about..

yesh i know u do scold her wen her room is messy..wen u scold her..ill get dragged into the picture!!!!!!

I DONT GO AROUND TEELING PEOPLE ABOUT U!!ONIE TO cikda..she sthe closest to me..yesh she doesnt have a child maybe shes doent feel wat u feel but wat ryt have u to sae i liek to complain to people..i dunt go around telling poeple that………………………………………

i hate my life.sumtimes i reali wish i can end my life..u take putri as ure own daughter..save ure face!isnt that wat u want………….so people wunstress u with questions..n ure siblings dun shun u awae..

i am proud u are my mum..u gave me life…….u nvr know that…..

i hate my fucking life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!shud be ending my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nurul=’(

sleepy..

missing babylove..

his mad at me.doesn’t want to talk mushy2..talks like im a complete stranger…so cold..haiz..im sorry lah syg..

i didnt mean sey..i tak marah..but u know i dont like if u gitu..u know ureself..i know u jarang meet frnds..cause of commitment..but haiz..dunnoelah..later u sae this n that again..then ill stat crying..

im just concern.i dont want anything to happen to u..u mean to much for me..u know..if anything happens i think ill die too..=’(

he said sum things like rimas..terkong2..those werds just rang bells into my ears..i wasnt like that last time..use to be too soft hearted n such..

but now..he always get to be my victim..smal litttle tings i will get werk up.blow up on small tings.throw tantrums..god man..sumtimes i understnd his agony..its not an excuse lah but..god man when im through angry..i just blurt out n burst..im sorry dear if u feel im controlling u..

i dont want u to return to ure old self..me?try to chnge for u.but im not perfect..i cant be her dear..i know u love me alot..but it hurts me when i tink if ure past.i know u cant frget my past too..

for the sake of puput u gave me chnces again n again likewise me to u..but argh!!!!!!!!!

just hold on babylove..we will get there..sooner or later.. i promise u from the bottom of my heart we can make it..

babylove,plese call me now n tok to me..

i miss u..hugs..smiles..ure warm touch..

evrything..

=’((

bring me back my love…

plese..

in love wit aiez=)

okie ready set go..

new blog..new life..

new status..

the old blog i left hanging n didnt update so as to leave behind the memories..

have been through alot this few months..god knows how much tears ive drained out..how much people have to sacrifice for the sake of me n baby.

thanks to all those loved ones who have been involved in my recovery.

to those who dun know my story.its okie..

let it be kept quiet..

n if u people were to hear it from sumone people who doesnt have anything betta to do..

let it be..god gave me this obstacle.im proud i have survived this far with its light leading me the wae.

wedding is in 15 weeks time.u guys dont know how manie butterflies or hornets are inside my stomach at the moment.stress..alot of things..mama n papa bz with plans.my dear cda helping out.dear cousin oso bz.brides maid!hahaha..soon it will be her turn i suppose.the rest are still too young bz growing up..

bibi gerl is growing soo fast now..1 year in 2 mths time..how fast can that get?haiz..it just feels like yesterdae when i held her in my hands crying..baby was there with me..times passes so fast..she has 4 teeths.always using it to bite me!!n of cos eating alott..hoprefully u’ll grow big n chubby2!!!clever pretty n of cos OBIDIENT…

my big baby has been nice,good,supportive..always can make me smile and angry at the same time,has been a great encouragement for me.his like my back bone.notlike i dont have one.but its just that with him around i feel so much enlighten.there were at times when we wud quarell and wanna go seperate waesbut,thingking back how much we have gone through just hurts me if we were to give up half wae.almost 4 years of tifssn tufss n love.god man..still cant belief he stil stood by me..

i love u soo much my dear mucnhkin donut.=)

people comes n go..

people cry n smile..

people quarell n reconcile..

people met n fall in love

people forgive n forget..

god thought me this.

i will just go ahead with it..

amin..

in love with aiez.=)

baby love n me